ShopDreamUp AI ArtDreamUp
Deviation Actions
Alright, so things in my life are going generally well. I get good grades, and my family is proud of me, but something seems missing: off.
It's like I barely have any friends. Or I do, but they don't make me feel like it.
After I got out of my depression, I have had trust issues. Yet some of the old me is still there. I don't usually open up, and I care a lot about other people's feelings. I don't like making people fel hurt. I really don't. There have been times in my life where i shoved away all my feelings for the sake of others. Didn't show it. I have a lot of tolerance, but after a while my fuse will run out. After my boyfriend and I broke up, I stayed long far away from the toxic people in my life that made me feel less than human. There's a price to that: I have gotten worse trust issues, and I realized that I don't really have friends.
I still have Stell, but I feel like she gets annoyed with me and I feel like I have to do things to get her to even accept me because my past isn't necessarily all that pretty. I know she'd accept me anyway, I know that for a fact, but i feel intimidated because even if I don't know much about her life and background, her family has more money, she gets to see both of her parents, and idk it just seems like her life that carried her was better luck than my childhood. I'm just so thankful I live with my mom who loves me and cares about me.
And lately there's someone I have been talking to nearly daily for the past few weeks. He's the opposite of popular, and people at my school don't seem to like him, but he doesn't seem to like people at our school either. Stell doesn't like him, but I think he's incredibly fun to talk to. Our moms are best friends, and people, including my mom have warned me about him as well as he himself has warned me about how he is. They say he can be condescending, and i have witnessed that back in middle school. He has never been condescending towards me, however one of his comments yesterday was how he perceived me; That I was a good listener, had a classier taste in humor, and had creativity; but he also perceived me as someone who was more shy, and liked to keep away from saying something to make someone mad. Which I found to be incredibly weird. Considering we have only been talking for a few weeks, and not exactly daily. He must be incredibly perceptive; it was weird. It kinda freaked me out at first, but I think it got me to open up on this topic, and get out the tiny demons i've been shoving away, and I feel a lot lighter. Thank you Nez.
It's like I barely have any friends. Or I do, but they don't make me feel like it.
After I got out of my depression, I have had trust issues. Yet some of the old me is still there. I don't usually open up, and I care a lot about other people's feelings. I don't like making people fel hurt. I really don't. There have been times in my life where i shoved away all my feelings for the sake of others. Didn't show it. I have a lot of tolerance, but after a while my fuse will run out. After my boyfriend and I broke up, I stayed long far away from the toxic people in my life that made me feel less than human. There's a price to that: I have gotten worse trust issues, and I realized that I don't really have friends.
I still have Stell, but I feel like she gets annoyed with me and I feel like I have to do things to get her to even accept me because my past isn't necessarily all that pretty. I know she'd accept me anyway, I know that for a fact, but i feel intimidated because even if I don't know much about her life and background, her family has more money, she gets to see both of her parents, and idk it just seems like her life that carried her was better luck than my childhood. I'm just so thankful I live with my mom who loves me and cares about me.
And lately there's someone I have been talking to nearly daily for the past few weeks. He's the opposite of popular, and people at my school don't seem to like him, but he doesn't seem to like people at our school either. Stell doesn't like him, but I think he's incredibly fun to talk to. Our moms are best friends, and people, including my mom have warned me about him as well as he himself has warned me about how he is. They say he can be condescending, and i have witnessed that back in middle school. He has never been condescending towards me, however one of his comments yesterday was how he perceived me; That I was a good listener, had a classier taste in humor, and had creativity; but he also perceived me as someone who was more shy, and liked to keep away from saying something to make someone mad. Which I found to be incredibly weird. Considering we have only been talking for a few weeks, and not exactly daily. He must be incredibly perceptive; it was weird. It kinda freaked me out at first, but I think it got me to open up on this topic, and get out the tiny demons i've been shoving away, and I feel a lot lighter. Thank you Nez.
Hello DeviantArt
It's been a while since I uploaded. Besides my Pucha/Garuche fan-art. What on Earth happened to this website? What happened to my youth? I was a teenager in the early 2010's that enjoyed the community of this space and made lots of friends. Now I haven't spoken to any of them in many years. All my favorite artists stopped or moved to other platforms that aren't catered towards artists. I haven't found the motivation to post any of my more recent art because I don't know a good place to put it anymore. I'm 25, and miss the nostalgia of posting here at 15. I feel old. I feel like DeviantArt died with my innocence. I haven't deleted my account yet since there's art on here that literally only exists on dA (and some of that even got deleted with the removal of the stash feature). You can consider this a dead account. I might end up removing this account eventually after I can find a way to archive my old artwork.
Jesus It's been a while
Hi. I'm not really active on here anymore. Not on purpose, I just really hate the way DeviantArt remodeled its website. 2020 has been a shitshow. And my life is no exception. To keep a long story short, I've been doing LOTS of trauma recovery. I've been rediscovering more and more childhood trauma throughout this year. I had a really hard breakup that I'm still trying to recover from. I had someone I thought was my friend deeply traumatize me. I had a really close childhood friend block me on social media...but... I graduate college really soon! Like, basically less than a week from now soon! Had to graduate in the middle of a pandemic lmao rip I also feel like the name "Borsaline" doesn't fit me anymore. I don't know what I would change it to though. I still go by Sai. Or Syd.
(meme) Video Player Asks
[Pause: Currently]What style is your hair in?
Short
What’re you wearing?
A black/grey/white jacket, Black jeans, Blue converse
What’s the weather like outside?
Cloudy
What time is it?
11:19am
What’re you sitting on?
A chair
Who, if anyone, is in the room with you?
My classmates
What’s on your mind?
Anxiety because I have an essay due tonight.
What make-up, if any, are you wearing?
N/A
What month is it?
February [Fast Forward: Future]What career do you want?
An analyst of some sort.
What age do you think you’ll get married by?
30 at the absolute latest.
What about having kids?
I'd like to have
(Meme) Things nobody asks
1. What is your favorite childhood story of yourself? When I was 3 years old I was at a diner full of old people. I was in a high chair coloring with crayons and I spilled my glass of milk on my coloring page. I yelled the F-bomb really loudly. Then My crayons started rolling all over into the milk so I yelled "SHIT". Then my crayons fell onto the floor and I said "Son of a bitch!" really loudly. This all happened within the span of 30 seconds.
2. What is the stupidest way you have ever gotten hurt? I was playing/trying to climb a fence and I scraped the top of my foot really good and it left a nasty scar for a while.
3. What was the first
© 2014 - 2024 Borsaline
Comments1
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
Aww, come here buddy, and get a hug from your fluffy Umbreon friend. I want to make ya feel happy. You still have me as a friend...we just barely talk as much anymore cause we dont have any classes with each other and the fact I sit with another group of people