Just venting

3 min read

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Borsaline's avatar
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Alright, so things in my life are going generally well. I get good grades, and my family is proud of me, but something seems missing: off. 

It's like I barely have any friends. Or I do, but they don't make me feel like it.

After I got out of my depression, I have had trust issues. Yet some of the old me is still there. I don't usually open up, and I care a lot about other people's feelings. I don't like making people fel hurt. I really don't. There have been times in my life where i shoved away all my feelings for the sake of others. Didn't show it. I have a lot of tolerance, but after a while my fuse will run out. After my boyfriend and I broke up, I stayed long far away from the toxic people in my life that made me feel less than human. There's a price to that: I have gotten worse trust issues, and I realized that I don't really have friends. 

I still have Stell, but I feel like she gets annoyed with me and I feel like I have to do things to get her to even accept me because my past isn't necessarily all that pretty. I know she'd accept me anyway, I know that for a fact, but i feel intimidated because even if I don't know much about her life and background, her family has more money, she gets to see both of her parents, and idk it just seems like her life that carried her was better luck than my childhood. I'm just so thankful I live with my mom who loves me and cares about me. 

And lately there's someone I have been talking to nearly daily for the past few weeks. He's the opposite of popular, and people at my school don't seem to like him, but he doesn't seem to like people at our school either. Stell doesn't like him, but I think he's incredibly fun to talk to. Our moms are best friends, and people, including my mom have warned me about him as well as he himself has warned me about how he is. They say he can be condescending, and i have witnessed that back in middle school. He has never been condescending towards me, however one of his comments yesterday was how he perceived me; That I was a good listener, had a classier taste in humor, and had creativity; but he also perceived me as someone who was more shy, and liked to keep away from saying something to make someone mad. Which I found to be incredibly weird. Considering we have only been talking for a few weeks, and not exactly daily. He must be incredibly perceptive; it was weird. It kinda freaked me out at first, but I think it got me to open up on this topic, and get out the tiny demons i've been shoving away, and I feel a lot lighter. Thank you Nez. 
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DuskVivie's avatar
Aww, come here buddy, and get a hug from your fluffy Umbreon friend. I want to make ya feel happy. You still have me as a friend...we just barely talk as much anymore cause we dont have any classes with each other and the fact I sit with another group of people